Loving someone with an addiction slowly teaches you to believe everything is your fault. There’s a quiet question that lives in the homes of people who love someone with an addiction. What did I do wrong? We don’t always say it out loud, but it’s there. In the pauses. In the replaying. In the way we try to manage, soften, fix, anticipate. If I were more patient. If I were more loving. If I said things differently. If I didn’t work so much. If I worked less. If I kept the house calmer. If I didn’t push. If I didn’t pull away. Maybe then they wouldn’t drink so much. But addiction doesn’t work like that. A spouse’s addiction is not caused by their partner. It’s not caused by the family. It’s not caused by stress, or conflict, or disappointment, or unmet needs at home. Addiction existed long before you noticed it. Long before you questioned yourself. Long before you started adjusting your life around it. Loving someone does not create addiction. And loving them ...